Ok so i think this will catch on more than Oprah's weight gain over a weekend!
so i think i have found the most appropriate response when people give you compliments such as: I LOVE YOUR HAIR WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT? or YOU HAVE SUCH GREAT SKIN! or I WISH I WAS SKINNY AS YOU!
Your response: DEOXYRIBOSENUCLEICACID!
They go: What?
You go: um HELLO! D N A!
BAM!!
but you got to do it fast and flowing you cant fuck it up otherwise it will not have a lasting impression
PASS IT ON!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Facebook needs a "I don't care button"!!!! (and some other things)
OK YOU HOT ASS PEOPLE OUT THERE!
how many times would you say this is you.....you log onto Facebook and you start scrolling around on the home page and you see statuses that FUCKIN ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!!! For example: I LOVE MY CAT!!! OMG SHE IS SOOOOO CUTE LIKE OMG!! and you say to yourself: WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT YOUR LITTLE PUSSY!!?!?!?!?
THIS IS WHERE FACEBOOK NEEDS and i mean NEEDS a "No One Cares," or "I don't care button!" there are too many posters out there on that site that list every LITTLE FUCKIN DETAIL about themselves and their lives! its literally like look.....i know you are pathetic and all and you haven't changed since you got your tits since the 7th grade but seriously - DONT POST A STATUS UNLESS ITS SUBSTANTIAL or GOOD!! i mean i only do it when i want to make people jealous of my FABULOUS FAGADOCIOUS LIFE!
ANOTHER THING: what is with the people who say that they are in FAKE RELATIONSHIPS!!! like ITS COMPLICATED WITH YASIR ARAFAT! ummmmm WHAT!!! thats like me saying QUINN MORTON IS MARRIED TO MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD!! come on lets be serious! if you need to say that you are in a fake relationship whether its a girl to guy, guy to girl, guy to guy, or girl to girl STOP IT NOW!! you are only humiliating yourself! and also lets be real here: if its a girl to guy or guy to girl its most likely a gay and his fag hag!
TO PUT THE FROSTING ON THE CAKE ABOUT THIS TOPIC - GQ put out a HILARIOUS romp about annoying people on FACEBOOK!! CHECK IT OUT!! ALSO PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS POST BECAUSE I WANT TO HEAR UR THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS PERTINENT ISSUE THAT IS PLAGUING THE U.S.
GQ HILARITY!
XOXOXOXO
how many times would you say this is you.....you log onto Facebook and you start scrolling around on the home page and you see statuses that FUCKIN ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!!! For example: I LOVE MY CAT!!! OMG SHE IS SOOOOO CUTE LIKE OMG!! and you say to yourself: WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT YOUR LITTLE PUSSY!!?!?!?!?
THIS IS WHERE FACEBOOK NEEDS and i mean NEEDS a "No One Cares," or "I don't care button!" there are too many posters out there on that site that list every LITTLE FUCKIN DETAIL about themselves and their lives! its literally like look.....i know you are pathetic and all and you haven't changed since you got your tits since the 7th grade but seriously - DONT POST A STATUS UNLESS ITS SUBSTANTIAL or GOOD!! i mean i only do it when i want to make people jealous of my FABULOUS FAGADOCIOUS LIFE!
ANOTHER THING: what is with the people who say that they are in FAKE RELATIONSHIPS!!! like ITS COMPLICATED WITH YASIR ARAFAT! ummmmm WHAT!!! thats like me saying QUINN MORTON IS MARRIED TO MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD!! come on lets be serious! if you need to say that you are in a fake relationship whether its a girl to guy, guy to girl, guy to guy, or girl to girl STOP IT NOW!! you are only humiliating yourself! and also lets be real here: if its a girl to guy or guy to girl its most likely a gay and his fag hag!
TO PUT THE FROSTING ON THE CAKE ABOUT THIS TOPIC - GQ put out a HILARIOUS romp about annoying people on FACEBOOK!! CHECK IT OUT!! ALSO PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS POST BECAUSE I WANT TO HEAR UR THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS PERTINENT ISSUE THAT IS PLAGUING THE U.S.
GQ HILARITY!
XOXOXOXO
Sunday, September 5, 2010
I APOLOGIZE!!!
To all my legions of followers:
I first want to say that I am very sorry for my lack of writing - lets just say law school has grabbed me by the balls and does not want to let go! My life is so busy with work that I have to plan my drinking!!! LIKE SERIOUSLY PENCIL IT IN!! Ok ok so you know those stickers that you get when you get a student planner I have to take one of them titled "BREAK" or "MEETING" and write get drunk by 5 PM.
So now on the topic of booze and narcotics: so you all know that I like the vodka: particularly grey goose. I am completely baffled by the price of my favorite drink, grey goose on the rocks, is here. EVERYONE TAKE A GUESS!! If you guessed 6 to 7 dollars YOU ARE CORRECT AND SHOULD BE ON THE FLOOR HAVING A SEIZURE. I couldn't believe it but became immediately worried about me starting a very serious habit. Just in general as you would assume everything is pretty much cheaper out here from the food, drinks, to people's clothes and hair style choices.
Like GOD! last night - i was at this bar called Northside - i didn't know what to do with myself - my shoes cost more than the whole construction of that bar - this is what Valparaiso has to offer. BUT NEXT WEEKEND is the towns BIGGEST EVENT: THE POPCORN FESTIVAL. So a little FYI for you peeps: Orville Reddenbocker (however you fuckin spell it) is from here so they throw an annual popcorn festival. I am going to be as drunk as possible for this and be yelling: I WANT MORE BUTTER AND MORE SALT!!! WHERE IS THE CARAMEL POPCORN BITCH!!?!?!? and then probably some mid 30 year old woman who has popped out more kids than octomom trying to get her own show on TLC is going to be like SHUT YOUR MOUTH F*G!! then i would douse her with hot butter and she gets first degree burns....how would you like to bathe in whats in ur arteries!
In addition, I did my photoshoot for Chosen Models this past weekend i Will post one pic and the rest will be on my FACEBOOK account where you all can like, dislike, comment, write you don't care and anything else that would offend me!
I first want to say that I am very sorry for my lack of writing - lets just say law school has grabbed me by the balls and does not want to let go! My life is so busy with work that I have to plan my drinking!!! LIKE SERIOUSLY PENCIL IT IN!! Ok ok so you know those stickers that you get when you get a student planner I have to take one of them titled "BREAK" or "MEETING" and write get drunk by 5 PM.
So now on the topic of booze and narcotics: so you all know that I like the vodka: particularly grey goose. I am completely baffled by the price of my favorite drink, grey goose on the rocks, is here. EVERYONE TAKE A GUESS!! If you guessed 6 to 7 dollars YOU ARE CORRECT AND SHOULD BE ON THE FLOOR HAVING A SEIZURE. I couldn't believe it but became immediately worried about me starting a very serious habit. Just in general as you would assume everything is pretty much cheaper out here from the food, drinks, to people's clothes and hair style choices.
Like GOD! last night - i was at this bar called Northside - i didn't know what to do with myself - my shoes cost more than the whole construction of that bar - this is what Valparaiso has to offer. BUT NEXT WEEKEND is the towns BIGGEST EVENT: THE POPCORN FESTIVAL. So a little FYI for you peeps: Orville Reddenbocker (however you fuckin spell it) is from here so they throw an annual popcorn festival. I am going to be as drunk as possible for this and be yelling: I WANT MORE BUTTER AND MORE SALT!!! WHERE IS THE CARAMEL POPCORN BITCH!!?!?!? and then probably some mid 30 year old woman who has popped out more kids than octomom trying to get her own show on TLC is going to be like SHUT YOUR MOUTH F*G!! then i would douse her with hot butter and she gets first degree burns....how would you like to bathe in whats in ur arteries!
In addition, I did my photoshoot for Chosen Models this past weekend i Will post one pic and the rest will be on my FACEBOOK account where you all can like, dislike, comment, write you don't care and anything else that would offend me!
And in HONOR of Raquel Welch turning 70 today I leave you with THE SPACEGIRL DANCE!! XOXOXO
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
HELLLLLOOOOOO NURSE!!
Dear Fabulous People Reading This:
I am officially in Indiana and all I have to say is: O M G. I drove over the course of two days from NYC to Valparaiso, Indiana. I was not even in the midwest yet (more on the edge of PA) and I was already encountering rat tails and crocs with socks. This is one thing I must address NOW: WHO EVER DECIDED THAT WEARING SOCKS WITH SANDALS WAS APPROPRIATE! Even MOSES didn't do that shit and I am sure he would not approve now. I am also certain he would not approve what his moccasins were and how they evolved into Tevas. Second, what is with the fat asses at Dairy Queen......
I heard this family be like OH DO U WANT A CHOCOLATE SHAKE! That girl was like 4 years old and already had bigger breasts and a stomach that could have both been donated to UNICEF or MAKE A WISH! Those kids that are dying in make a wish: what do you want? Bigger breasts? well contact ms. four year old in line at a dairy queen ordering a BLACK AND WHITE MALTED! ridic.....
SO this is my first official post and i have to go to the law school tomorrow and register and blah blah bullshit - i hope u enjoyed this and remember:
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIFAGADOCIOUS!!!
I am officially in Indiana and all I have to say is: O M G. I drove over the course of two days from NYC to Valparaiso, Indiana. I was not even in the midwest yet (more on the edge of PA) and I was already encountering rat tails and crocs with socks. This is one thing I must address NOW: WHO EVER DECIDED THAT WEARING SOCKS WITH SANDALS WAS APPROPRIATE! Even MOSES didn't do that shit and I am sure he would not approve now. I am also certain he would not approve what his moccasins were and how they evolved into Tevas. Second, what is with the fat asses at Dairy Queen......
I heard this family be like OH DO U WANT A CHOCOLATE SHAKE! That girl was like 4 years old and already had bigger breasts and a stomach that could have both been donated to UNICEF or MAKE A WISH! Those kids that are dying in make a wish: what do you want? Bigger breasts? well contact ms. four year old in line at a dairy queen ordering a BLACK AND WHITE MALTED! ridic.....
SO this is my first official post and i have to go to the law school tomorrow and register and blah blah bullshit - i hope u enjoyed this and remember:
SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIFAGADOCIOUS!!!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I HAVE ARRIVED!
Dear Fagadocious Followers and Fag Hags and Fag Hag Recruits:
This is going to be your outlook and guide to mid western mockery and hilarity. I am going to be your east coast representative husking through no name brand clothing and trading Gucci, Prada, Tom Ford, and Dsquared for Walmarts, Marshalls, and even worse Kohls. I am moving officially on the 16th and law school officially starts the 23rd. So get ready for something that is more outrageous and in your face than fat people in pastel colors!
Xoxoxo
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